Happy Hours #7 w/Grrr: Wild Mood Swings

I recorded this on what seemed to be the very obvious last day of summer in Berlin. So it turned out to be a bit of a moody ride, just like the last weeks have been. You know… one moment you feel all excited about your evening plans with people you love, maybe at a cozy bar, do the talking thing and feel connected and alive and maybe you realize that it’s been a while since you went out for a proper boogie ’cause you’ve been working so much and the hangovers really do get worse in your mid 30s and even though you don’t really feel like it, maybe you should just give yourself a little push because sometimes a wild night out really shakes things lose and there is some kind of afterglow. Or maybe you’ve been thinking about that person that used to make your heart beat really fast but also made you cry a lot and how you ended up bumping into them on the subway recently and how it felt nice and actually okay and not complicated and twisted like a wormhole like it used to and maybe that’s a sign that you’ve mellowed out or all these years of therapy finally clicked in. But then you open the window because you’ve been smoking at your desk again, which is in your bedroom, which you thought you wouldn’t do anymore (but anyway) and you open the window and there’s this wind that has a very specific feel to it, crisp and clean and a bit chilly, which is actually really nice after the crazy heat that makes you dizzy and sweaty but the quality, the temperature, the smell, the texture: it all reminds you of high school and the day you knew summer break was coming to an end and soon you’d have to go back and what a fucking nightmare that was and how lonely you felt (almost always) and how scared (only sometimes) and how it probably really didn’t help, that you thought you had to get stoned every morning just to get through. But then you realize that you also didn’t have your first coffee of the day yet and that you’re generally just kinda depressed right after you wake up but that it normally fades and maybe you also remember that you’re actually a grown up (technically at least) and that you really never ever have to go back to high school or whatever small town hellhole your particular one was located in and you also remember, that things – the people in your life, the silliness that passes as a job, the records or books or the shoes you hoard – are so much better than you could’ve imagined in your wildest dreams back then and maybe you have a bowl of insane cereal in the middle of the day or you order something really ridiculous on the internet or you take the day off, just because you can and you go out and do one of your favorite things, like look at that one painting that is kinda crazy or visit that super cute animal that doesn’t seem to mind (for real), living in a zoo and that looks at you in this strange way as if they understand just how hard it is to be a person some days.

So yeah… I’m not sure this Episode sounds like that at all. Maybe a little.

PS: I was kind of sweet-spot hungover while recording, so there is much more talking than usual. Not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Just a heads up.